so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
