I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
