it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
