why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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