Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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