That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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