I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
