I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
