There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
sex in a hospital.. check
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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