rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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