he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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