well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
