sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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