I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
