i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
