i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
