i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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