apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
