I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize