why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
