I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
