If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
