I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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