I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
