I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
