Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
