Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Two words: blizzard sex
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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