you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
