Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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