Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
