Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize