Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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