i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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