peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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