I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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