thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
