I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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