I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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