OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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