I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
