Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
