i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize