you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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