I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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