now i know why i became what i already was.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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