4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
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