youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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