Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
