Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
