so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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