I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
