he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need a burrito and a hug.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
