Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
