mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
