It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
