If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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