his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Everything about him screamed your future.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
