I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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