Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
