Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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