Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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