We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
