you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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