so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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