Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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