is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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