I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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