I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
