I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
