does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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