I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
