You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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